Well today was Chemo day #5. You know I really didn't realize how stressful it was until a nurse mentioned it to me. Today just seemed to really be stressful and long.
There was a baby there crying loudly...well screaming...while they tried to access her port...sad...because she just wanted them to stop poking at her.
As Jordan and I could hear the yells from he baby and from another room where a teenager was yelling at the nurse I realized: Today's visit was gonna be a little different.
And I always have to keep my gameface on because Jo is watching my every move and reaction...if she senses fear at all she will be scared.
Today, not only did Jordan have to get vincristine...she had to get part 2 of her H1N1 shot...I've know for a whole week but I kept it to myself.
Well the cat was out of the bag while waiting in the room and she was not happy AT All. I told her to calm down please and to not stress it...but of course it was all she could think about.
I was praying for a cup of starbucks to magically appear...man this was gonna be a rough visit.
I really tried to occupy myself...facebook, O mag, calendar for appts, and just sending texts to get my mind off of being there.
It is really hard being there...the other little boy accross from us..complained he could taste the medicine while it was being injected intravenously...Jordan agreed...wow! She never told me this before!
He also began to feel sick...he said he was about to barf...poor baby...this isn't easy on kids!
Jordan's other little friend was limping from her chemo...man I felt bad for her...they had their time together drawing...I left them alone so they could talk about the chemo and what it was doing to them...she needs that time...I understand.
But as I type right now I cry...this is a lot. A whole lot...it hurts my heart that my baby is going through this. But I can't cry in front of her...it will make her worry...so I cry alone here at my computer while she plays upstairs with her sister. This is a lot.
This is stressfull, This is exhausting and I want to lay down.
They want to play Wii resort...but I just need a minute to pray to God for more strength...because this is a lot.
A Nurse asked me how I was holding up...that this is stressful on the moms...and yes it is. Day in Day out...the meds, the appts, the nausea, the worrying that I'm making healthy balanced meals that she will eat. This is a lot...guess I never thought of it until today.
Maybe I need to go to one of the support groups for parents...
I don't want to write anymore...
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Hey T-Apple I found an online version of support groups. Ill keep looking for something in your area. I defintiely think it would help.
ReplyDeleteI also think you need something you need to do weekly that helps you. I hug from a friend, a trip to the sauna something. Love you. I wish I was there to help.
Candlelighters Childhood Cancer Support Group on www.Inspire.com
Candlelighters Childhood Cancer Foundation introduced an online community to our members and friends in 2008. In partnership with Inspire, a company that builds and manages online healthcare communities, we've created a place where you can connect with others who know what you are going through. Among the many exciting features our new community offers, you can:
-Participate in discussion groups – or even just read what others have to say
-Post personal profiles – share as much or as little as you'd like about yourself
-Post personal photos or videos
-Invite other members to be friends
-Create a personal journal (or "blog") where you can express your feelings and allow others to comment
-Read others' journals to learn about their experiences
I found it here http://www.candlelighters.org/Information/onlinesupport/tabid/379/Default.aspx