The Choices We Make

So yesterday Jordan got the heartbreaking news that she didn't win her bid for VP of next year's 6th Grade Class.

It was rough last night...sharing my own loss in the 7th Grade and how I felt...but also esxplaining how she could take this moment and learn from it, not beat herself up but truely grow from it.

I explained it's all about the choices we make...we can choose to wallow in the disappointment or we can find the happiness and humor in the situation and move on.

Little did she know...it seemed to be a little theraputic for me as well.

Despite my sunny & cheery disposition I have to remind myself daily to choose Joy.

I choose not to focus on the financial despair the divorce has put me through, the rough bout we with Cancer we had, my constant feelings of not being successful, my failed relationships (all of em), and just the feeling of stuckness.

Instead I usually laugh, heck I learned a serious coupon hustle, I smile when I see Jordan on the Soccer Field playing and smiling healthy,I realize that I'm actually doing well in my career, I realize love will come when it's supposed to, and maybe I'm stuck here for a reason. I should just enjoy it!

All of this and all of that...and I'm fine...and I'll smile...and so is life...

I'm Ending My Relationship with My Ego

My Ego has been in a horrible relationship with me for the last few years. From constantly pressuring me to do more, be better, work harder, stay angry, hold a grudge, not forgive, argue, over analyze and not enjoy life's little things.

Today...I'm saying good-bye to the relationship I have because it's affecting my other relationships.

It keeps me from bonding, revealing my true self, connecting and just genuinely enjoying myself...always thinking...calculating and driving me insane.


It's texting me when I don't want to read and I read anyway.

It's reminding me that I'm drinking Red Wine out of a White Wine class.

It's telling me that I'm not good enough.

It's telling me my boobs are too big.

It's telling me that I'm not doing a good job.

It's making me unsettled when I should be calm.

It's making me miss out on love which is probably staring me in my face.

Hell it's probably keeping my blood pressure high...

My ego has made me walk away from some really good people...Heck it almost made me not blog...

So today...I'm saying ...To The Left To The Left...

I will ignore the text.

I will enjoy the wine.

I am good enough.

My boobs are GREAT!

I'm doing an excellent job.

I will calm the hell down and relax!

I will embrace & enjoy true love.

I will do something to make this damn blood pressure go down...Oh like smile or relax or exhale.

I will open up and let down the wall...hello world...

Relationships Suck!!!!

So a few days ago I was walking into the office with another young woman...she's turning 33 and she asked me about my weekend. I told her it was a series of unusual events which consisted of me juggling my kids and a dating life....

Funny she told me..."I hate this dating thing...it completely sucks!" And I quickly concurred.

I mean what is it??? Is it the dating in your 30's thing...Is it middle aged dating...(wait am I middle aged? NOT) or is it just the utter confusion of the process of learning to get to know another individual that creates a great feeling without loosing yourself????

It completely does SUCK...

I've been reading a book by Deepak Chopra...The Path To Love and the book is so intense I keep putting it down...but is it helping me???


It kinda puts you in that spiritual, misty...I'm in the mood for love phase when most of the folks one may encounter are only looking to 'Smack it up, Flip it and Rub it Down'

So now what...

Admit your weakness & flaws...me I know mine...I'm spoiled...I always want my way...I'm high maintenance...I wear my heart on a sleeve...and I've often had POOOR(notice the extra O) judgement in men.

From the I just wanna be friends to the I just want to sleep with you to the I don't know what I want to the oh I'm trying to get a record deal to the oh I have to travel for work...to the oh I'm single until I get the middle of the night text asking me to speak to his Girlfriend to say I'm just a 'friend from college' (yup that happened)...

So how do we make relationships less sucky:

1. Lowered expectations
2. Celibacy
3. Date for like a year
4. Background checks :)
5. Genealogy Checks...Yup just do it
6. IQ tests...hey you never know
7. Text checks (so you can see the text message history) :)
8. Honesty Check...really just throw the Bull Shit flag every now & Again
9. Written Essay...just to know if you're gonna win an argument or not...:)
10.LOVE

I suppose if that LOVE number one you wouldn't need the rest right?

Just some thoughts about the extent of ways to make relationships a little less sucky...Do you have any additional suggestions?????

Wine and Good Times

So I went Wine Tasting on Saturday...Man on Man did I have a good time.

If you know me, you know that I love wine. Heck I've even traveled to far out locals to watch polo and taste wine.


I love the pairings with food. I love the different tastes, how various fermentation's can bring about various tastes...


The wood, the oak, the cherry, the crisp, the tropical, the smokey...it's all a process.

My favorite was a Traminette...it was just fabulous.

I went to Loudon Valley Vineyard...and there is a female vintner there..Bree Moore...GO GIRL!!!

The Traminette they produced was heavenly!!!

As I learned in speaking with the staff...there is a process to the Traminette that was cultivated at Cornell University in the 60's.

Go figure...Hippies were messing with wine...

Well apparently they were doing it at UC Berkley and tons of other colleges and universities all in the hopes of producing a grape or a wine that would be of great production.

And yes it was possible with the Traminette...

As I enjoyed my sipping of wine this weekend I also enjoyed the great company of a good friend.

We both share in a love of wine...and enjoyed learning about the various ways the vintners fermented the wines...

Aluminum Tins, oak barrels, adding of sugars...it's all a lengthy process which takes years to perfect...if there is even such a thing as perfection....

There was even the addition of fragrance...the Traminette I drank had the addition of rose petals...which made it smell completely romantic...

Or maybe I was in a romantic mood...but no really it smelled fantastic...and became even more aromatic as it sat in my glass.

Really...all of this about wine...much like my quirks...I am intrigued to learn more...it costs money to produce this wine...it costs money to take a risk on something that may not sell at all...

Hmmm go figure....

The wine and good times were surely there...to be had to be taken in to be understood in a way that only your brain continues to process...

It made me google fermentation...it made me google Traminette...it stayed on my brain and still has be thinking....

Hmmm...all this for wine...I'm going back in 2 weeks.

I Will Not Break....

Yesterday I went to Borders searching for Inspiration...Book, Magazines, Newspapers, Bibles, World Politics and Metaphysics...It's amazing what you can feed your brain!

Sooo I have this foundation within me...Christianity...and without getting too Churchy I will speak honestly about this morning's revelation.

The Wind is BLOWING HARD today...I mean by all accounts and the National Weather Service Advisory this is BAD!!!! My deck furniture is all still in place...so far so good. But I was trying to sleep in this morning...but the Wind was blowing so hard I had to get up...maybe God was trying to tell me something along with Chak...on FB telling me to GET UP!!!!

Back to my foundation...Christianity...for the past 48 Hours something had been weighing on me to watch the video series I purchased from Church last year...I remember attending a service where I was just worn out...stressed about the divorce and my finances...I mean...just so beat down that all I could do was go to church and pray...and on that day Co-Pastor Deborah preached a service that touched the core of my existence.

The Sermon was titled I Will Not Break


You see at that time I was coming to terms with the split and loosing it all.

Much like this morning...just trying to understand why in the world God had allowed all of this to happen....

2 Corinthians 4:8~We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair

Wow...on every side...Yup that about sums it up...

I mean honestly there is nothing left...and I still have to praise God for allowing me to walk through this all!

But let me back track...to my Nana...I have to thank you!!! You told me at an early age...that I was destined for greatness...that walks with me everyday of my life.

How about maybe, just maybe I am finally beginning to walk in greatness as I rebuild my life.

I lost it all...House, Companion, Health of my child, and sense of normalcy as I thought I knew it.

But this was all supposed to happen...right...my steps are predetermined by God. Right??? The plan was already laid out for me at birth...so here I am.

While watching the sermon and listening to co-Pastor...she said that thing about having a Voice.

That God had me experience all of this...divorce, betrayal, lost house, Jordan's illness, and all the mental and emotional roller coasters in order to use my Voice.

I'm smiling...because at first this morning I was crying...perplexed...that is a serious state of affairs.

But I'm Still Standing, I will not break!

That speaks volumes...This walk...is leading me to a greater destiny...and I'm speaking this into existence NOW...I'm sure there are many other women who've experienced what I've experienced in some bits and pieces...but all at once...

Wow...I'm beginning to get it...I'm understanding more and more...as the wind continues to blow...I get it...and I'm rejoicing in all this and all that was stripped away...God has a funny way of making us walk through things...

To bring you to your greatest moment...Where you can say...OK GOD...I hear you...I will follow your plan...I will not break in the face of adversity...

I will continue to thank you for the trials...

God is trying to squeeze something out of me

Hey...how bout that...I'm writing again...

Today...I'm going to enjoy this day...and continue to be enlightened by this mornings discovery.

I will not break...

I have a voice...

Inspiration

It's been over a year...I've been terrified to write. To everyone who encouraged me I thank you.

To my mentor JM...thank you for your words, to Kim, Shelly, Cheryl, Anana, Lynn & Chana I love you guys and I appreciate how you lift me up in my times of whatever it is I've been experiencing.

Well it's been an interesting ride.

Jordan's Cancer is in remission. And I'm in seclusion. I've recently noticed my lack of interest in interaction with people.

Maybe it's the stress of my situation...the situation I'm still working through and completely able to divulge just yet...hmmm.

My Inspiration for returning to this blog was to honestly Heal...and have fun...I once read that Blogging is an individuals self-indulgent obsession with oneself. Ha!!!

That About sums it up!

I picked a word for the year...Strength...why...because for all that I've been through I'm still here.

I strongly stand here with a snicker or two as I click away...I was strong enough to make it through all of this keep going.

And while I may have ended some relationships with people I felt were toxic or not truly there for me I have felt some voids.

I've questioned myself...my mental stability, my constant instability, and my general 'Tenseness' with my current state of affairs.

I've been struggling with my Heart...I read some statements that really stood out to me today as I searched for inspiration to do this again...



I am completely loved
I am completely lovable

I can honestly say I've never felt that way about myself...Have you???

So the new Inspiration is to Heal my Heart and to love all things about myself...

Are we ready for this????

As I blog...I'll talk about whatever I'm reading...I've just started Deepak Chopra's The Path to Love...Spiritual Strategies for Healing...Aha...this should be good right???

We shall see...I'm being open and honest...I'll read I'll write if something jumps out...

I'm on a mission to wake-up my brain again, to challenge myself and to give to the world something positive...

Political Commentaries, Fashion Commentaries and Shameless plugs for my Business will all be coming...

As JM told me...I have a voice...I must write in order for it to be heard!


Inspired....